Lets get this out there first. What kind of person are you? If you find you give time to the trivial shit that just irritates you, like the new Facebook image of irrelevant imaginary 'friends', a battery that dies on the TV remote at the wrong time, Boris Johnson's parties or whats on offer at Iceland this week - then there's probably not much going on in your life, to make giving too many fucks a significant problem for you.
That is to say, seriously, If you have not learned to distinguish between what you care about, and whether or not it matters, you will simply be irritated by everything and never be happy. You have to learn that to be happy is to dedicate the f**ks you give, to something that really matters.
own your attitude, and always show up for yourself
If you learn not to give that f**k to trivial nonsense, you will feel freer, lighter and have more control over your own destiny. You will have more energy and time to focus on the things that mean most to you. If you don't dilly dally around spending valuable energy giving in to the minutae, then you can concentrate on life's big goals and be happier. So to this end, you must own your attitude, and always show up for yourself. It isn't selfish or immoral to put yourself first. It is preparation. So when life gets tough, you are prepared enough to know exactly how not to give a f**k. Prepared enough to know, that these small nuisances are not worth your time or energy. Confident enough to shrug and not worry. In every moment of your life experience, in everything others say and do to you, we have a choice, do we, or do we not give a f**k?
Ultimately, the danger is, when you start to give too much credence to what others think, you start to get scared of taking risks. Your comfort zone starts to shrink, your state of control wavers and you start to hold back in life. You will regret it as you get older and, if you are like me, you will look back in disgust at this cowardly behaviour of seeking consent. The natural thing is to lie to yourself and tell yourself that you are not seeking consent. Trust me though, I learned the hard way through life, that not worrying about what others think about you can be very helpful, in all walks of life. If you are worrying about what others think, and you are trying to get approval - your brain will be constantly attempting to rid itself of the negative emotions that arise when you give too many f**ks, and that is tiring.
Conventional self-help consultants may tell you how to visualise success, how to think about the kind of person you want to be - and then reinforce the idea that you need to do certain things to have a fulfilled life. This is a bullshit approach to living a life that is not happy, meaningful, or focused on what matters to you. By giving too many f**ks, one is clinging to superficial fakes and living a life chasing the mirage of happiness and contentment as laid out by conformity to the norm.
Still, some people make no secret of personal challenges, perseverance, self-realisation, or testing their own boundaries. They will live this magnificent life on social media to let you know that they have this life thing all figured out. You would think that they don't give too many f**ks, but the truth is they give too many. They care far too much about the impression they want others to have.
In the short time you have, there is only a limited amount of f**k to give. In fact, most people who have to prove they don't give a f**k actually give a lot of f**k.
In my opinion, there are only 3 sectors of human who actually don’t give any f**ks.
Children pretty much have it made. They don’t give a f**k because they don’t have to. Generally, their basic needs are being met by the adults in their lives, and even if they’re not, children can barely tell the difference. Think about it: If someone else was doing your laundry all day, every day, would you give a f**k about spilling beans in your lap or upending a yogurt pot on your head? No, you would not. If all you had to do was scream your face off to get a glass of water or a new toy, would you give a f**k about having forgotten where you put your previous glass of water or having drowned your last Action Man whilst scuba diving round the ubend? No. If you didn’t have fully developed fine-motor skills, would you give a f**k about tying your own shoes? Not in a million years.
Of course the reason children don’t give a f**k is that they have no life experience. Their minds are tidy because the world’s bullshit has yet to be heaped upon them. They don’t have anything to declutter, or offload, mentally speaking.
Its true, children are lucky little buggers
Then, life is not fair, and they cannot remain children forever. At a certain point, we all have to suck it up and stop wearing Velcro. What you can do though, is find your way back to that magical equilibrium where the burden of adulthood is lifted by embracing the childlike zest of not giving those f**ks.
Next up, we have arseholes. Arseholes don’t give a f**k because they are genetically predisposed to getting what they want, no matter who they have to offend, step on, or ride roughshod over along the way. These people are not generally well-respected or liked. Loathed and feared, maybe, but not liked. Not many people are heard saying "they are my favourite arsehole".
If being liked is important to you, then you don’t want to turn into an arsehole. Sure, you might free up a few nights on your calendar every week, but it won’t be because you took charge of your f**ks and dished them out on doing things you love. It will be because the invitations to do the things you love, stop coming altogether.
Why? Because arseholes don’t give a f**k about their own personal behaviour, or things that are important to harmony. They don't care if you want personal space; they don't think twice about making you wait; they don't give a damn that their talking loudly in a quiet coach is irritating; they have so little respect for others, that picking up dog turd or litter is not their problem; they certainly don't give a f**k about using Indicators or how pissed off you may get with their behaviour..... The list is endless.
However, It is possible to have everything you want — and nothing that you don’t want — whilst also being thought of as a stand-up fella or broad.
3. The Enlightened
That’s right, you can attain enlightenment without turning into an arsehole. It’s possible to revert to that childlike state of not giving a f**k, but with a self-awareness that kids just can’t claim. Look, there’s a long list of things I still give a f**k about (my kids, my other half, being on time, getting at least four hours of sleep, takeaway Fridays) - The drivers at the top of this list are really quite simple:
If I cannot control it, I will not waste my time trying to control it. If I do give that f**k, I will do it with a good heart, being honest and staying polite.
Because the essence of "Not Giving a F**k" is designed to help you achieve an enlightened state of "essential f**k-giving" without making all the same mistakes that turn you into an arsehole.
So, are you ready to stop giving a f**k and start living your best life?
Yes! I knew you had it in you.